One...

After years of self deception and naiveness, I was able to dig deep into myself and understand the nature of true primitive happiness- detached and the stand alone type of happiness. That state of mind,  the independent feeling. It is magnificent. 

That experience of realization is so eye opening and somewhat ... infectious...I love it.

Sure, there are things that I do not like, people that annoy me and actions that I dismiss. There are feelings that I miss, sensations that I long for. And yes, my "faith"* gets shaken every once in while- but whose does not. 

My life is a fabrication of my imagination, I can turn it into a reality whenever I want to. I am my own puppet. The simultaneous domination and submission is mind boggling, but I like to think of it as self control. 

And within all that, I understand the need for companionship. I just do not want one out of boredom. I loathe the discomfort and resentment that come out of settling for someone. I also do not buy into the perfect picture of the American Dream. I do not want a house in the suburbs. I do not want neighbours and I do not really want kids. 

I want an easy going life away from the suburbs.  A cozy loft with big windows, and someone to wake up next to who can understand my quirkiness and passion for the little things in life. Oh, and can enjoy a cup of morning tea with one who has finally found herself. 

*faith is a term used loosely and not related to spiritual faith.